Forgiving Others

In my previous post, Ask For Forgiveness I had mentioned about how forgiving others is perhaps the hardest thing for most of us to do.

Forgiving Others, is a habit I am trying to inculcate. Why? Because I am a very sensitive person (mudah terasa), with a vicious tongue and a temper to match. So these two faults of mine are my greatest disadvantages in my quest of being a good Muslimah.  

HURT - is  the reason that stops most from pardoning or forgiving others. But it shouldn't be an excuse for us Not to. We must Try to. Well, we want others to forgive us for our mistakes and overlook our shortcomings; so why don't we pardon others then?

I hear you say, " 'dah' or yes I 've forgiven her/him but to forget?" Same here, I always tell myself, I've forgiven him/her but after I've either retaliated with an ugly remark and regretted woefully over it.

I want to get into the habit of forgiving others. To control my anger and instantly forgive someone and overlook their faults. 

Kamal Mekki's lecture titled 'Forgiveness is a Mark of the Believer' covered the concept of forgiving others in Islam very well. An eye opener on what is the real forgiveness in Islam.

'Afw is the first level of forgiveness. Pardon others by overlooking at what they did or say to you. But this doesn't mean you have forgotten that person's mistake to you. A sign of this will be you rambling to others about it, and your face turns sour whenever you meet that person again.

A higher level of forgiveness would be 'Safh' , where you forgive and you also do not take revenge. You forget that person's mistake, or in Kamal el Mekki's words "you erase it out of your mind".  

Easier said than done, but if we psych or drum into our heads that 'I must learn to forgive and try to forget' you will be able to pardon others more easily. It takes practice, my motivational words to myself would be ' this is the sign of Imaan'. 

Do both 'Afw and Safh, meaning pardon others and 'turn away'.

and let them pardon and turn away. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.

An Nur :22

The highest level of all, would be 'Ihsaan', doing something nice to the person who had wronged you. So do  'Afw, (pardon) Safh (forgive and forget) and Ihsaan (be kind) to that person instead of retaliating. 

This reminds me of story of Rasulullah (peace and blessings upon him) and an unkind old woman who would place obstacles ( thorns and even 'najis')  on his path. When she fell sick, Rasulullah (peace and blessings upon him) was the one who had visited her and looked after her, and that kindness from Rasulullah (peace and blessings upon him)  opened her heart to Islam. 

Try to ingrain in ourselves that 'to err is human and that Allah loves those who are most forgiving'. Again, start small. Learn to forgive first then give yourself some time to forget. Then when forgiving others become second nature, try to forgive and forget. Trust me, once you try to erase the wrongdoings you get to move on and enjoy your life better. And being nice to the person that had wronged you, is a sign of your level of faith and will definitely create a new person in you. 

I've tried this and it sure made me at peace with myself in times that I've managed to forgive and forget, my only task is as I mentioned is to make it a habit.

May Allah be pleased with us.

Here's the full lecture